Wednesday, 31 October 2007
Thursday, 20 September 2007
Thank You Trevor, and I hope you escape from that big pile of sand soon. Well, as you can see, I'm back in the office, and I have found a fellow undercover reporter. This is Merrill, and he is a mouse.
Merrill is investigating the abuse of mice in the workplace, and how they are being used as slaves, often to the extent of rendering them into cybermice against their will. The plight of mice in laboratories are well known, but this mistreatment of mice is still overlooked, and as Merrill tells me, any of the mice in this office would love to wear a bit of lippy if it meant that they could stop being made to roll around on their balls all day.
This gadget appears to be new. The Pigeon Lady appears to enjoy stamping lots of bits of paper with it, and gets a gleeful look in her eye when doing in. Sometimes when the bitchy manager is talking to her in a patronising way, a fancy that i see the same gleeful glimmer in her eye, like she is imagining stamping the aforementioned managers head with it. But this is only speculation so don't quote me on that.
It seems that The Pigeon Lady still has not developed any sort of taste when it comes to mug choice. This effort is nearly as bad as the first, with the same boring, uninspired pattern. The only thing that is improved is that the mug is much larger than the first, thus allowing more tea. Only time will tell if ugly mugs are going to be a recurring theme in this sorry tale.
This was Kevin Pigeon, reporting for Kingdom of Trevor, from the Office.
Sunday, 16 September 2007
And what is a Kingdom, without a castle??
Will Trevor escape? Will he get the sand out of his feathers?? Will the seagulls ever learn to talk in polite conversation??? Find out in the next episode of.......KINGDOM OF TREVOR!!
Sunday, 26 August 2007
If you can look in the distance, you can see the Abbey, shrouded in damp drizzle. To get to it we have to traverse tat shops on this side of the valley, goth shops, trinketty shops and more tat shops on the other side (after crossing the harbour bridge) and then....
Up a, quite frankly, taking-the-piss amount of steps. It was the Pigeon Lady's idea to come up to the Abbey, but did she stop for five minutes and think of my little legs? No. I don't even have legs, just two feet on the bottom of my body. She didn't even offer me a ride in her pocket until i had a tantrum and pointed out that i was easy meat to a seagull. Easy meat, my friend!!
Got to the top of the steps, and sat down for a breather. It wasn't until I got my breath back that i realised that i was sitting on a gravestone, and that i would probably be cursed for using someones memorial as little more than a bench. Ooopsie. Didn't see any ghosts, which is probably for the best, as i don't think Victorian dead people would really be able to grasp what I'm about. They used to eat pigeon didn't they??? Victorian people, that is, not dead people.
Ah yes, finally reached the Abbey. The reason i look so shocked is because I had just seen a tourist wearing the most alarmingly coloured cagoule. Nothing to worry about. Then it was back down the steps and thankfully, to the chip shop!
Where is the food, where is the food where is it??? Warmed myself up with a nice cup of tea, and admired the salt and vinegar. After a while i went into a bit of a hunger induced trance, which accounts for the gazed look in my eye.
Friday, 24 August 2007
Ah, that's better. That's set me up a treat.
After being as full as a very fat pig, i could just about muster the energy to pose next to a quite odd and disturbing sculpture thing. Don't ask me what it is. I don't know.
Next stop, Whitby!! Later Gaters!
Saturday, 18 August 2007
This quantity of papers was only a tiny fraction of the papers that the Lady had to file away. And as the files were so tightly packed in, pulling them out and pushing them back in was quite a physical job.
Spot the Kevin!!! If you can't see me, I'm right in the centre. Get your microscopes out!
After a few hours of this, i was thoroughly bored, and made my escape through an open window. Unfortunately the Lady couldn't follow, as there were bars on the inside of the windows. Tough call. But in these situations, its every pigeon for himself.
I have picked up during my time in the office that the person whose pigeon hole i found (also called Kevin) is not the most pleasant person. In fact he's rather creepy and chews food in the most gross and loud way. Unfortunately, we share a name, but I hope that i can bring the name more dignity than this bloke is doing!
Saturday, 11 August 2007
Tuesday, 7 August 2007
Thank You Trevor, and as you can see, I am here in the office, at the reasonable hour of 8.41am. I actually arrived at 8.30, but there was an issue of getting out of the bag, which contained a worryingly large can of Heinz Winter Broth.
As you can see, the temperature is a balmy 20 degrees centigrade, and the computer monitor is relatively tidy and free from clutter. This bodes well for quick movement, but provides little cover from nosy and/or light fingered colleagues of The Pigeon Lady.
Before long, there was activity. Seems that the tea can be made immediately with ready boiled water on tap. This saves time, and cuts out the need for a kettle. A definite plus for the tea addicts of this world. If the boiling water is dispensed ON TOP of the milk instead of the milk being added after, a delightful frothy effect occurs, in the manner of a 'cappa-tea-no'.
As you can see from this harrowing image, The Pigeon Lady has yet to stamp her mark upon the workplace, and is languishing in the realms of unimpressive, boring, and slightly vulgar mug design. The shape of the mug itself is satisfactory, but the gaudy colours and generic patterns renders the overall tea experience uninspiring and unsatisfying.
A hoarding nature and lack of challenging mental stimulus for The Pigeon Lady is apparent on the discovery of the beginnings of an impressive rubber band ball. Give this a few more weeks, and it will be hard to fit it in the drawer.
The office on the whole gives off a vibe that will not tolerate the comings and goings of a tiny clay pigeon such as myself. It is not so much frowned upon, more that they will not understand and I will be regarded with contempt, scorn, and perhaps even pity. But even in this hostile environment, there is hope of acceptance, as seen from this picture.
I am stood in what is known as a 'pigeon-hole' and it even is adorned with my name. I suspect that it is another office worker that is called Kevin, but the fact that i, Kevin the pigeon, am in the pigeon hole of Kevin, leads me to believe there may be some welcome to be found for pigeon-kind.
I did, however, hear a conversation involving some files, and how files are placed ''in your pigeon'' and if someone cannot find something, they are advised to ''look in your pigeon''. I am not sure if i like this custom of placing things within pigeons, because as far as i know, pigeons are not equipped with a pouch of any kind, so placing something within a pigeon would be a violent and painful procedure. Just to be on the safe side, I am going to stay out of sight until i can work out the true nature of this environment.
This has been Kevin Pigeon, reporting for Kingdom of Trevor. Good afternoon.
Sunday, 5 August 2007
Sunday, 15 July 2007
Argh!! Tragedy strikes! That dozy, clumsy-ass pigeon lady has only broken off my foot - again!! Jesus, such a ham-fisted cow!
She had better superglue it back on again!