Whitby

Here we are, in Drizzly Whitby



If you can look in the distance, you can see the Abbey, shrouded in damp drizzle. To get to it we have to traverse tat shops on this side of the valley, goth shops, trinketty shops and more tat shops on the other side (after crossing the harbour bridge) and then....

Up a, quite frankly, taking-the-piss amount of steps. It was the Pigeon Lady's idea to come up to the Abbey, but did she stop for five minutes and think of my little legs? No. I don't even have legs, just two feet on the bottom of my body. She didn't even offer me a ride in her pocket until i had a tantrum and pointed out that i was easy meat to a seagull. Easy meat, my friend!!



Got to the top of the steps, and sat down for a breather. It wasn't until I got my breath back that i realised that i was sitting on a gravestone, and that i would probably be cursed for using someones memorial as little more than a bench. Ooopsie. Didn't see any ghosts, which is probably for the best, as i don't think Victorian dead people would really be able to grasp what I'm about. They used to eat pigeon didn't they??? Victorian people, that is, not dead people.

Ah yes, finally reached the Abbey. The reason i look so shocked is because I had just seen a tourist wearing the most alarmingly coloured cagoule. Nothing to worry about. Then it was back down the steps and thankfully, to the chip shop!

Where is the food, where is the food where is it??? Warmed myself up with a nice cup of tea, and admired the salt and vinegar. After a while i went into a bit of a hunger induced trance, which accounts for the gazed look in my eye.

Huzzah! Food! That cheeky coo managed to distract me with a shiny bit of tinfoil and scoffed half of the fish before I even noticed, so I told her that there was a baby pigeon stood on the windowsill, and while she looked....

I took what was rightfully mine!! That'll teach her to be greedy and gullible!!!

And, i hear you ask, where was Kevin through all of this? Well, after his days at work, he was just too tired, and fell asleep on the way here.

I tried to wake him, but he insisted on sleeping the whole day, and only woke up on the way back, when he demanded some Doritos. We didn't have any, so he had to settle for some cranberry wheats when we got home.

Robin Hoods Bay

Well, here I am, back in the saddle, off on another adventure. I have to say that the weather is looking a little dodgy, but I'm confident it will perk up.

From my vantage point at the car window, I can see the drizzle, which is ....... lovely. Ish. Anyway, after a couple of hours driving, a few fruit gums and a jolly sing song about how we do like to be beside the seaside (oh we do like to be beside the sea) we reached a rather curious place called the Hole Of Horcum.

As you can see, its a... big hole in the ground. It looked quite dramatic with all the purple heather across the hillside, so the Pigeon Lady was happy (being a bit loopy about purple and what-have-you). We came across this sign, which brought new meaning to the name 'Hole of Horcum'.

Don't know what heather and sweeping landscapes have to do with lesbians though. No offence girls!

Back in the car, and soon we reached Robin Hoods Bay. There it is, look.

And the reason I'm not actually looking through the binoculars is that i don't really see the point in paying money to see further into the sea than you can by just looking at it. It would still look the same. Its the sea.

More inspiring sea scapery there.

As to why the place is called Robin Hoods Bay when clearly it is nowhere near Sherwood Forest, I'm sure i will never know. There were probably places in the town that boasted some random tale about how he once sailed a boat into the bay, but i think that's rather a thin argument for naming the bay after him.

Then, we went down on to the beach to look for hermit crabs. The Pigeon Lady was quite keen to find them, as last year when she came here, the place was teeming with them, though she was pissed off her face on Strongbow at the time and could have imagined the whole thing. We didn't find any hermit crabs, but did find a couple of normal crabs.

Here i am, not finding any hermit crabs. Though i reckon Pets at Home must've nicked them all, as you can now buy them there, along with stick insects, amongst the usual hamsters, guinea pigs and rabbits.

After all that fresh air and excitement, we were ready for some nosh. I must say, i do get impatient, and had to amuse myself with the rather dull condiments.

Nice colour coding with my feathers there. We started out sat outside, but them moved in when it started to rain. Chuffing British coastal weather, i tell you...

Food at last!

Ah, that's better. That's set me up a treat.

After being as full as a very fat pig, i could just about muster the energy to pose next to a quite odd and disturbing sculpture thing. Don't ask me what it is. I don't know.

Next stop, Whitby!! Later Gaters!

Kevin's Covert Operation Part 2

After exploring the main office, I hitched a ride on the Pigeon Lady as she went to do some filing. We entered a small, pokey room, stuffed floor to ceiling in files. A daunting prospect.

This quantity of papers was only a tiny fraction of the papers that the Lady had to file away. And as the files were so tightly packed in, pulling them out and pushing them back in was quite a physical job.
Spot the Kevin!!! If you can't see me, I'm right in the centre. Get your microscopes out!

After a few hours of this, i was thoroughly bored, and made my escape through an open window. Unfortunately the Lady couldn't follow, as there were bars on the inside of the windows. Tough call. But in these situations, its every pigeon for himself.

I have picked up during my time in the office that the person whose pigeon hole i found (also called Kevin) is not the most pleasant person. In fact he's rather creepy and chews food in the most gross and loud way. Unfortunately, we share a name, but I hope that i can bring the name more dignity than this bloke is doing!

Trevs Google Wander

What the hell is this? I have no idea. Any thoughts?

And this video of a pelican eating a pigeon. Some wag not only felt the need to not protect a poor pigeon, but also felt the need to film it, show a 'hilarious' Do Not Feed the Pelicans sign and then show it again in slow motion. Carnage. I'll have to watch out for Evil Pelicans on my travels.

Oh my god, I would love to live here! Apart from the fact that it's animated, but its a street for pigeons! Pigeon Street rules. I saw one about the Twins Molly and Polly, and there were two pigeon chicks and they named them Molly and Polly after themselves. Imaginative girls, i must say.

Kevin's Covert Operation

Hello, this is Trevor Pigeon, from Kingdom of Trevor Studios. Today we bring you a special report from our Field Agent, Kevin. Kevin has infiltrated The Pigeon Lady's new place of work, and his report details the conditions of her working environment. This report contains scenes of a graphic nature, that some readers may find disturbing. We now cross over to Kevin, who is has reached the office. Kevin.




Thank You Trevor, and as you can see, I am here in the office, at the reasonable hour of 8.41am. I actually arrived at 8.30, but there was an issue of getting out of the bag, which contained a worryingly large can of Heinz Winter Broth.

As you can see, the temperature is a balmy 20 degrees centigrade, and the computer monitor is relatively tidy and free from clutter. This bodes well for quick movement, but provides little cover from nosy and/or light fingered colleagues of The Pigeon Lady.

Before long, there was activity. Seems that the tea can be made immediately with ready boiled water on tap. This saves time, and cuts out the need for a kettle. A definite plus for the tea addicts of this world. If the boiling water is dispensed ON TOP of the milk instead of the milk being added after, a delightful frothy effect occurs, in the manner of a 'cappa-tea-no'.

As you can see from this harrowing image, The Pigeon Lady has yet to stamp her mark upon the workplace, and is languishing in the realms of unimpressive, boring, and slightly vulgar mug design. The shape of the mug itself is satisfactory, but the gaudy colours and generic patterns renders the overall tea experience uninspiring and unsatisfying.

A hoarding nature and lack of challenging mental stimulus for The Pigeon Lady is apparent on the discovery of the beginnings of an impressive rubber band ball. Give this a few more weeks, and it will be hard to fit it in the drawer.

The office on the whole gives off a vibe that will not tolerate the comings and goings of a tiny clay pigeon such as myself. It is not so much frowned upon, more that they will not understand and I will be regarded with contempt, scorn, and perhaps even pity. But even in this hostile environment, there is hope of acceptance, as seen from this picture.

I am stood in what is known as a 'pigeon-hole' and it even is adorned with my name. I suspect that it is another office worker that is called Kevin, but the fact that i, Kevin the pigeon, am in the pigeon hole of Kevin, leads me to believe there may be some welcome to be found for pigeon-kind.

I did, however, hear a conversation involving some files, and how files are placed ''in your pigeon'' and if someone cannot find something, they are advised to ''look in your pigeon''. I am not sure if i like this custom of placing things within pigeons, because as far as i know, pigeons are not equipped with a pouch of any kind, so placing something within a pigeon would be a violent and painful procedure. Just to be on the safe side, I am going to stay out of sight until i can work out the true nature of this environment.

This has been Kevin Pigeon, reporting for Kingdom of Trevor. Good afternoon.

New HQ

Check out my new building. The hive of Kingdom of Trevor, the new Office Headquarters. Feel free to pop in any time, there's a lovely receptionist called Maureen.

Though please wipe your feet, as I've just had it re-carpeted.